On a Guilt Trip

The moment I pulled the car into park, Guilt knocked on my door. Actually, she just barged in unannounced.

"You should have picked up Daniel!" she accused.

I reached out to switch the car back on. A quick look at the clock told me it was a futile effort. 12:28, the little guy would already be nestled in his cot by the time I'd arrive. Waking him and transferring him to the car would spell the end of this nap time. Been there, done that. The result? Frustrated mother. Sort of defeats the purpose of early pick-up, if you ask me.

So I snapped up Mussy's coat and headed into the house with a clear conscious. Well, almost.

Guilt wasn't quite through with me yet, "Then you should leave a few minutes earlier!"

Sigh.

Why do I go through this again and again? As soon as my work hours have ended, I speed out of school fueled by Guilt.

If only it was this easy...
Why do I feel like a bad mother if I am not mothering all day? Why do I feel a need to be constantly ON? Maybe it's a good thing. It means that I focus on them with all my being. But the guilt, oh the guilt... how to do away with the guilt?

Then again, maybe I am guilty.

Comments

  1. Nechama, I've just started reading your blog, but your writing is amazing. I'm VERY impressed with your talent!!! It should go chayil ud chayil. If I start my blog, you will definitely be a guest writer on it!

    Fruma xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are too sweet. Thanks, I am looking forward to reading yours, too.

      Delete
  2. There is no word in original Hebrew for guilt. It is a futile emotion; it achieves nothing.

    You know yourself. You know your abilities. When guilt arises in me I try my best to swat it down. Begone!

    Even the "super" mommies make mistakes. Heck, the British PM left his kid in a pub last week. At least you didn't do that!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nechama,
    I know you very well and you are an amazing mother!!!
    its not healthy to be feeling all this guilt for you don't deserve to feel guilty in the least!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Isn't it crazy how kids can throw off your day!! as well as totally make it too and when I get guilted I try to think of those times. I have to remind myself that kids are little and are growing with their words but if it happens to much, I have to have a sit down and nip it in the bud, ya know. Keep writing your words are real and meaningful :) hugs! Michelle W

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yah, those moments... I used to think kids 'make' or 'throw' my day, but I've been realizing the importance of being centered on the family's needs, which likely contradict what I imagine my children's needs are.

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