On a Time Budget

Currently I am running my small business on a tight budget. Therefore, I am quite precise with how I allocate my 9-4 office hours. They’re all I’ve got to work with at the moment!

The business is raising healthy children. The budget I’m referring to is my use of time.

Next year that same time will stretch differently. With baby in creche the 9-4 is more flexible as his needs will be taken care of, so I have more freedom of movement and scheduling. For instance, this morning I got a call that my kinder daughter's skirt is too big, and it is really bothering her. She had no spares. So, they asked if I’m out and about anyways can I come drop one off? But I had a plan. I wasn’t going out until 2 and didn’t change that plan. Weighing up various values and priorities, that’s what we do. There is a real relief and sense of identity in being able to say, “no, not now.” In just knowing your own parameters. I guess baby's creche doesn't really need to feature in that equation, if I have a plan, I have a plan. In general I try to stick with it. 

When Hashem made water, He made it with a nature to flow, expand and spread. We’ve all seen water on the move! That’s what it does. A little later He decided to create some boundaries. “Let there be land” or whatever the quote is. The waters protested! They were being forced to restrain themselves, to fit into a larger picture. It was limiting their fullest expression of self! So constrictive! Initially, they didn’t listen. They just kept on spreading, flowing, expanding…. Until:

“DAI!” screamed Hashem, “ENOUGH!”

And the waters paused, respecting the land’s right to be seen. Oh, they continued waving their hello on the shore of most beaches, some with more intensity than others, but for the most part, you can see the division of land and water and predictably expect water to stop encroaching too far onto the land.

It kind of feels that way with my 9-4. I can give myself a Monday morning to veg out after the weekend, and the waves will keep coming and spreading as far as I let. At some point there is a limit, a predetermined feature in my schedule, be it an appointment, class or school pickup.

“DAI!” screamed my inner self, “ENOUGH!”

And the pleasure seeking paused, respecting my responsibilities I was determined to fulfill. And in a way I just felt so, so much better about myself. I mean, down time is an essential part of my 9-4. If I don’t schedule it in, then it’ll pop out and hijack the time I want to be present with my family. Its nice to have that planned spontaneity: time where I can follow the impulse, choosing the podcast, music, or craft combination to suit my whim. I’m grateful I had the time for that. At the same time, I’m also grateful to be past that part of my week. Because honest… it’s a little scary to let myself go by following my inner child’s desire over my mature inner voice of direction. They both seem to need their time at the microphone, though. In the past I thought something was wrong with me after a half day veg-out fest. I thought I needed to fix myself. Now I’m seeing that I might just prefer to honour that need, to give myself that time for my inner child. Within boundaries, though. “ad shetomar liolami dai”

So, I am Bez”H sticking with my budget because I have a larger goal. I have a small business to co-run. It’s a wonderful business that I am proud of investing in with the time I’ve got.

(based in part on a Kli Yakar in Beraishis)