I Quit

I'm quitting my job. I've had enough. I was bored, so I went back to work too early and took on too much after my recent maternity leave. And it's taken it's toll. The accumulation of fatigue, resentment and juggling everything has finally added up.

I quit.

The decision brought immense relief and sparked stores of creativity. Suddenly I was writing novels, cooking gourmet, animating videos and teaching my daughter's prep class. No longer shackled to the bell, I felt free.

But deep inside myself I knew it would not happen. I couldn't really quit. Though I hadn't felt it in months, I knew that I'd once loved my job. Only.... not as a job. I'd loved teaching because it filled me with a sense of purpose and mission. I had a shlichus to do and ready-made keilim sitting in front of me.  The frustration and resentment only built up when I started viewing teaching as a job. It wasn't so much about the dollars and cents.

Ever since I'd rushed back in I was busy covering curriculum, focused on the technicalities of teaching. I was ticking boxes when students brought the correct materials to class, remembered their homework, forgot their homework yadda, yadda yoo. In the old day those were details. Details that I rarely tended to. And in the old days I was also a passionate teacher, crafting experiences that brought the learning to life.

I want that back.

So I quit. I quit my job and I went out on shlichus. Nothing has changed.... and yet everything's changed.

I guess I finally earned that COL article. A couple years back I confessed to some students that  I felt like a second class citizen as a teacher rather than a Chabad House Shlucha. It bothered me so much that I even asked Simon Jacobson about it.  One dear girl gifted me with a mock COL article describing how I went out on Shlichus as a teacher. Best gift.

And so today when I quit my job and started my shlichus I pulled out her article and read it word for word. It was like reading it for the first time. I think it's the best mission statement I could ever hope for.

I'm thrilled to have quit and ever so excited for my new position!


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