Attempting SAHM aka Summer Holidays

By Nechama -
I am torn.

Truthfully, I wish I was still torn. During the year, I spent lots of time out and about preparing for lessons / teaching / grading papers etc. I always felt like the time invested in school was being stolen from my children. So I constantly complained that I felt torn.

I got excited watching the calendar near summer. Finally, I  would be able to focus on my kids, craft, drive toy cars around the house, cook nice meals, tidy my closets, laze around at home...

Not quite.

Instead, I am busy hopping from park to park when I'm not wasting time at the computer and scattering clutter across my home. I was starting to doubt my mothering. I finally have the time to spend with my kids, yet....

Then I read this post  and I realized that I'm doing something right. Sure, I am out frequently and my toddler is in day care almost full-time (something I really dislike, but we'll leave that for another time...). Thing is, when he is home and awake I aim to be 100% focused on him. [Ok, make that 80%... no, no, we'll try for 70%...] We talk, sing, dance, play games, cook dinner together from 4 until bed time. I try to be "on" the entire time. I manage to keep it up over the weekend, but I know that I am pushing myself.  Over achiever? Guilty as charged.

It's not like that on holidays. I am "on" all day. I am itching to be back in the school environment. I need the classroom, the interchange of ideas, the staff room... I need a break from SAHM-ing.

I am in awe of moms who are fulfilled and content after hanging out with their kids all day. Wish I could. Here's to staying focused and enjoying 'em all summer long.

Three weeks to go...

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 29, 2011 at 5:04 AM

    Just so you know, this is precisely the subject of my highly fictionalized Work in Progress. Just as my main character finally decides to take the leap and re-enter the work force, her mother (the big, bad troublemaker) moves back to town, trying to convince her daughter that working outside the home is the worst thing she could ever do to her family.

    Like you, I know I was supposed to love being a SAHM -- and there were parts I did love, but I'm really glad to be back in the classroom as an adjunct: better balance for everyone. (Keep in mind, it only took me 8 years to figure out if I was happier, everyone else would be happier, too.)

    Now my son is 12 and he is able to get in and out of the house independently, so it is just easy. But at the time, I felt positively torn -- like the worst mother in the world. Nice to meet you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NechamaMamaMarch 31, 2012 at 5:14 AM

      Sounds like a story I could really relate to.

      "if I was happier, everyone else would be happier, too" too true!

      Delete

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