Mommy Morah

Currently I am running my small business on a tight budget. Therefore, I am quite precise with how I allocate my 9-4 office hours. They’re all I’ve got to work with at the moment! The business is raising healthy children. The budget I’m referring to is my use of time. Next year that same time will stretch differently. With baby in creche the 9-4 is more flexible as his needs will be taken care of, so I have more freedom of movement and scheduling. For instance, this morning I got a call that my kinder daughter's skirt is too big, and it is really bothering her. She had no spares. So, they asked if I’m out and about anyways can I come drop one off? But I had a plan. I wasn’t going out until 2 and didn’t change that plan. Weighing up various values and priorities, that’s what we do. There is a real relief and sense of identity in being able to say, “no, not now.” In just knowing your own parameters. I guess baby's creche doesn't really need to feature in that equation, if...

 I started this blog when I was a mother of 2 and just needed a space of my own to vent and express. Went through phases of using it, never quite putting my full name to my pieces. At one point 10 years in (mid Covid when all pretences to facades went out the windows!) I linked a video of myself, basically finally sharing my identity.  Even so, I still don't use the blog as a primary way of sharing. It's scary to be authentic. The perfectionist in me wants to go back through every old post and censor them all. Always worried about what others will think of me... And yet I'm writing that as a blog piece! Have all my filters dropped? 🤪  One fascinating thing that happened in the void was *THE BOTS* Oh the comments they left! The first time I noticed them in the form of 15 comments on one post I  actually thought I'd achieved fame.  Ha! There were 83 fake comments :(  And some of them were flattering too... I've cleaned them up now and will keep a closer eye ...

Night and day bleed into each other. With everyone around all day, there is no beginning and no end. I've desperately tried to carve out some none-work time. Turned off WiFi for a while so that we could all connect. And it was nice. But then the minutes and hours continue ticking along and though the younger ones are asleep the older two keep coming down for snacks and conversation. I'd decided that instead of feeling stressed about how much work I had to complete with everyone home all day, it was time to work. Younger children were in bed and I had tidied up most of the kitchen and eating area. Could have been perfect. But the older two lag, waiting for the final closure perhaps. The rigidity of a bedtime enforced by Mother. Well they were in the kitchen and my hand was hurting from all the tapping and typing. Walked over to hang out, chat somewhat. But they seemed to cranky. Once they had my attention, or in order to get it (can't remember the sequence!) they squabbl...

I've always found this song inspirational. "City Streets" by Chanale picks up on a story in the Talmud where Rabbi Akiva takes a positive spin on a challenging circumstance. The nation is in mourning. Everyone is stuck at home due to a terrible virus. Just kidding: the Romans persecuted the people, destroying our central place of worship. Once, Akiva and his friends visited the site of the former sanctuary. His friends cried, he laughed. You can see the details in the song or download my PowerPoint on the Gemara which I created for my Jewish History students. In truth, this lesson isn't just history. It's a powerfully transformative tool all growth mindset and positivity.  (Can you explain to me why the editor doesn't like my spelling choices! Anyways, here's the song:) I love how Chanale completely picks up on the hope and optimism of Rabbi Akiva. When he saw destruction, he didn't SEE destruction. He saw a promise fulfilled, a stepping ston...

You are hired To be inspired Drop the blues Pull on your shoes This is your life: choose Jump in and live it See Divinity within it  Ta'amu u'riu Future's mostly up to you Attitude you can craft Choose joy. Choose to laugh. What has been, was What will be, will come This moment is it Dive in Explore Hayom la'asosa Make it proud Make it yours THIS MOMENT Gifted from above Choose to live it with purpose Dance through it with love

You can't cram in life. It only creates strife.  Be the choice wrong or right Just drop the fight And do it right You have a purpose, a mission.  Go and live it.  Stop retracing your steps,  Time to jump in it.  I am constantly re-deciding to be a teacher. It would be so settling to be decisive. To know that I am not adjusting my work commitments and just proceed ahead. But that's not who I am. I am a thinker. I've tossed around the same question of "should I work" so long that it morphed into, "how much should I work" until it reached a point where my best friend identified my work cycle. Stage One: Made a commitment Stage Two: Overwhelmed with the commitment Stage Three: Cut back my responsibilities Stage Four: Bored so make more commitments Then back to stage two and round again. She figured that out a while ago. A year or two even. So for the first year I followed the cycle as usual with her laughing sadly. At the start...

On the one hand, there is an incredible advantage to taking things personally. In Chassidic terminology, that is called being a "Pnimi". A Pnimi is someone who integrates their learning, has in inward-focus and applies everything. They know that it's real and applicable and take the journey seriously. And yet... it is exhausting to live life Pnimiusdikally. I consider a particular student who has questions about  everything.   She struggles, man. I feel for her. Constantly battling integration or seeking authenticity. It is a heavy-duty approach to life. Thing is.. she's real. I feel her struggle because I do it, too. That's me. In the classroom, letting the girls behaviour get under my skin or their questions rankle me deep inside. NO! Part of moving to being a  Guide on the Side is placing the students front and centre. I've been working on this for two years! Of course, I need to put myself in the class, be present and be a part of it. But it needs...

They are a good class, a marvelous class. I am so blessed to be their teacher, what a wonderful class they are. You should see their energy - Geshmak! I set them up to learn b'chavrusa and that buzz of learning… its out of this world. The passion and energy with which they debate each other highlights their zest and curiosity. At times, their enthusiasm reaches a crescendo as they break out into song. This class is a real gift. The girls are alive! They care! They have opinions! They are engaged! What a joy. Thank you, Hashem for the opportunity to teach this special cohort. OK, you guessed it: I’m out to convince myself.  Most of my colleagues would describe this group as chatty, impossible, unrestrained, challenging or even dysfunctional. And they are not wrong! Thing is, my description above was the truth, too. It was the truth through rose-coloured glasses, desperate to see the potential in the problem.  Dear Hashem, I pray that I may find the strengt...

New Beginnings I feel like it's been years since my last post here. Technically it's only a year and 3 months, but that's not the point. I've been thinking a lot about why I have this blog in particular and an online presence in general. For starters, I'm going to state my intentions with the title. It's been 7 years and I never made the "about" page. So here's to letting go of perfectionism and making ‘baby step’ progress! 💥💜🙌 It is my firm belief that life’s challenges and experiences can be perfected and enjoyed via developing a healthy, growth mindset. Sure, this requires huge effort but this sort of internal success is an incredibly empowering experience and makes for an immensely satisfying journey. When I named the blog, it was a cute quote from my toddler  but also had profound personal significance. I felt like “Focusing My Inner Mindset” was the most powerful tool available to me and I wanted to share the journey and hopef...

My electronics are slowly dropping out of my life. My SLR was stolen a couple months ago, and today my toddler dunked my Smartphone. The loss of my camera still rankles, but the missing phone just brought relief. I've got a love/hate relationship with that device and considered getting rid of it many times. Once, my phone went missing Erev Yom Kippur and I didn't buy a new one until the end of Cheshvan (5 weeks later). I didn't miss it. In fact I wrote a great piece about the 5 weeks of serenity. In my quest for perfectionism I never posted it, but I'll dig it out at some point. So I'm thinking of holding off this time... I'm done with "smart"phones. Done with 6000 messages. Done with entertainment apps. Done with my kids using my "personal" device. Done with always being on-call. Just done. The Grand Dump happened as we were getting geared up for the park. I was hanging laundry. Mendel was outside with me, holding my phone. Th...

The bottom line is, I need to be at peace with whatever decision I make. It really can  work both ways. This, then, is the dilemma of choice: Choosing. There's a recurrent theme on this blog (and in my life!) I'm a teacher. I'm a mother. And a person somewhere in between... I constantly strive to hit the perfect balance. I'm sure I'm not alone in this struggle . Currently the struggle is taking shape in the number of subjects I've committed to teach. Roughly two weeks ago I gave notice to my head of department that I'd like to drop a subject. The transition period was (is) rife with regret. I just can't let go. I keep rethinking the decision. Intriguingly, a student asked me if the Tanya had any advice for decision-making. I loved the question - I could so relate. My nature is so indecisive and when choosing between right and right, well... the responsibility is on me and it's just not too fun. On my Shabbos morning walk I churned out the follo...

Rusnning late Hair a mess Hasent eanten breakfsta Stains on her dress Shoes on the rwong feet Lunch salpped together Quicker than she thought She could evre Manage to complete A tsak like that Oh there she gsoes Ms. Mally Mack Cat'n spell a word Tries hadr to rhyme Ms. Mally Mack Is just never on time Slieds into her seat A couple minutes after Attendance was tken And now theres laughter Teacher shakes her head With a  soryy sigh Little Mally Mack Began to cry Shuffles her feet Out the saem sdoor Feels tired and hveay Limbs so sore Principle passes In the hall onec more "Oh sweet girl, There's a solution I'm sure." "Cat'n spell a word Tries hadr to rhyme I'm Ms. Mally Mack Just never on time" "Don’t cry, don’t fret" Principle said "There's hope for you, Light ahead "Some people are punctual Accurate to a fault Tic...

I'm going away. School has hardly begun and I am leaving my students for nearly two weeks. I cannot adequately articulate the nerve-wracking anxiety this situation creates. I can see a benefit though. Besides for the actual trip, the choice to leave my students has helped to crystallize for me the role of the teacher.  In my quest to move from "Sage on the Stage" to "Guide on the Side" I started to diminish the role of that guide in my own eyes. Sure, I belevied my classroom would be of greater use to my students if I was the guide on the side instead of dominating center-stage. Primarily because of a meme like this:  Another similar idea was a graph I once saw about information retention. I'm making up the figures here, but the general gist was listening = 5%  retention and the percentage of retention climbed as the activities became more and more hands on.  So a strong part of my intellectual mind agreed with the advantage of student involveme...

I had some students who really did not feel comfortable with the idea of Kabbolas Ol. Their main questions were: What is the point of Just doing things - isn't It pointless if the actions are devoid of meaning? I don't like the idea of "fake it until you make it" - I'm not a hypocrite. So this is what I plan to answer them: (I'm going to make up a powerpoint to go along with it and link it here for download.) Point #1: The Right Thing What's the point of doing the right thing if I am not feeling it? Well, do manners matter? Picture a world where people acted only on instinct. That's a world full of narcissism. I have a guest, but I don’t feel like saying goodbye so I holler out a "see ya" from my comfortable couch. Kind of diminishes the relationship. That’s why I train myself to be polite. We teach children (and our inner child) to have self-control, to act in certain ways and develop polite manne...

I'm quitting my job. I've had enough. I was bored, so  I went back to work too early and took on too much after my recent maternity leave. And it's taken it's toll. The accumulation of fatigue, resentment and juggling everything has finally added up. I quit. The decision brought immense relief and sparked stores of creativity. Suddenly I was writing novels, cooking gourmet, animating videos and teaching my daughter's prep class. No longer shackled to the bell, I felt free. But deep inside myself I knew it would not happen. I couldn't really quit. Though I hadn't felt it in months, I knew that I'd once loved my job. Only.... not as a job. I'd loved teaching because it filled me with a sense of purpose and mission. I had a shlichus to do and ready-made keilim sitting in front of me.  The frustration and resentment only built up when I started viewing teaching as a job. It wasn't so much about the dollars and cents. Ever since I'd rushe...

I've had to work this out from scratch four times now so I figure I'll post the instructions. At least I'll be able to find them next time and maybe it'll help someone else searing for a how-to (and bring traffic here! Yay!) Take LOTS of pictures, following the guidelines (no shadows etc) Create a document in publisher or Photoshop or your preferred photo-editing software in the dimensions necessary for the final product If you can (like in publisher) make the margins to indicate the difference between actual picture and largest allowed head size. For instance, my picture size needed to be # and the head size is allowed to be between # and # so my margins are #. I was able to do this when using publisher, but in Photoshop I skipped this step and estimated with my eye. Pop the picture into the document. In Photoshop the default is a sizing tool when you drag a picture in so that is super helpful and the job is basically done right there Make another document in the...

The other day I had an epiphany. "I'd better start liking bedtime," I wrote in my diary, "after all, by the rate things are going I'm going to be serving at this post for another 20 years." OK, I exaggerate. My youngest is 6 weeks so I've got another 10 years of bedtime ahead of me? 12? Either way, I need to stop crying that I hate bedtime every night. Literally crying. Last night my husband was out during the joyous hour. At one point in the chaos of bedding down three big ones while holding a newborn I'd had enough. I tried "disengage". Clutching baby to my chest I closed the door to my bedroom, leaned against it and started sobbing, praying for success in The Bedtime Battles. Tonight was the opposite side of the coin. The difference was dramatic! Oh sure, my throat was still sore at the end of it but thankfully that was caused by a different sort of screaming. It was Love Screaming. The turnaround came after everyone was s...

I'm starting a new parenting course. This was a big jump for me as I really, really liked Sheffer. Oh, sure there was an item or two that didn't sit well with me. In general, though, I'd really adopted the approach and was using it exclusively. There was one problem: Consolidation. Part of the structure of the Sheffer system is to solve problems. At each session a participant would raise an issue and then after learning the topic of the day we'd resolve it (actually she'd resolve it) after digging deep to discover what the problem really was. Towards the end of the course, sessions were spent problem-solving all the way. It was terrific. I loved the system and was even able to do some problem solving with a friend on the phone. And time moved on... And I grew forgetful... And I'm stuck. Stuck believing in a system that I am no longer able to practice. I need the support of the problem solving sessions or a refresher course, but alas, neither ...

He's not three weeks old yet. I should be resting, they tell me. But whilst my body is fatigued my mind is bored. I'm used to being busy and productive - I mean, I was still working 3 days before birth and uploading materials for my sub in between contractions. So it's no wonder I haven't slowed down yet. And quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to slow down. When people ask, "How are you?" Or "Wow, out and about already?" I'm stuck. Sure, I need the rest. But I'm feeling cooped up and just plain bored. My older son (6.5) is thrilled to have a brother. He's been discussing at exactly which point baby brother will move into his room. Part of me wants to snuggle him close and never let go. As time passes, though, another part of me grows.... The part that's counting down until baby is old enough to sleep through the night and I can get back to routine. Look, kid, if your reading this don't worry - I love you like crazy! Snap...

Were you ever so slow That Momma yelled, "Go!" You were busy You were frilly Lost in your own world Goin about your day Nice and easy pace When Momma yelled, "Go!" You shook, you quacked Them Momma yelled, "Go! "Daughter, why are you so slow?" And you dwadled And you toddled And you took your time today Until Momma yelled, "Go! "Gotta get on with my day" But you were moving slow Slow Slow Slow But your Momma She got hotter Her collar was a'fire "Go, go, go! "Get a move on little daughter!"